Great Books!
Here's an annotated list of some wonderful books on relationship issues, from a variety of different perspectives, in alphabetical order by author. Most books are of interest to both singles and couples; those that are primarily for singles are indicated with the words "FOR SINGLES" at the beginning.
NOTE: Click here for a list of books of interest to PARENTS
DeAngelis, Barbara. Are You the One For Me? Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong, 1992. FOR SINGLES: an excellent review of what to watch out for in current and potential dating partners.
Dym, Barry and Glenn, Michael. Couples: Exploring and Understanding the Cycles of Intimate Relationships, 1993. Excellent review of the different stages and cycles that couples typically pass through in a long-term committed relationship.
Glass, Lillian. He Says, She Says, 1992. Excellent study of the differences in how men and women communicate.
Goldbart, Stephen and Wallin, David. Mapping the Terrain of the Heart, 1996. An excellent book for those who want to go deeper into the theory of how and why our childhood experiences affect our capacity for intimacy as adults. Includes a description of the six essential capacities for love.
Gordon, Lori. Passage to Intimacy, 1993. The founder of the couples education program PAIRS teaches the basic skills necessary for a healthy intimate relationship. Lots of good exercises for couples.
Gorski, Terrence. Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy, 1993. An excellent analysis of the different levels of intimacy and relationships available to people, along with a discussion of how the dysfunction in your family of origin influences your relationships choices.
Gottman, John. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, 1994. A very readable book by one of the nation's most prolific and influential researchers on marital success. The book summarizes over 20 years of research into the differences between happy and unhappy marriages. Includes tests to determine a couples' style of dealing with conflict and gives direction to enhance intimacy.
Gottman, John. The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers. 2001. Yet another practical book from the foremost marital researcher in the world on creating better relationships with everyone in your life.
Gottman, John. The Seven Principles of Making Marriages Work. 1999. A very practical book by one of the nation's most prolific and influential researchers on marital success. The book describes the seven essential qualities and skills that exist in happy marriages.
Harley, Willard. Fall in Love, Stay in Love. 2001. A great book discussing the importance of meeting each other's emotional needs and the concept of the "Love Bank". Many practical tooks to use immediately.
Hendricks, Gay and Kathlyn. Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (1990), and The Conscious Heart (1997). Excellent how-to books by experienced marriage counselors who are also married themselves. Identifies most likely problem areas in relationships and illustrates specific ways to deal with these problems. This couple really 'walks the walk' to have a Conscious Relationship and gives numerous personal examples of their principles in action. Especially useful for how they deal with uncomfortable conflict situations in a conscious way.
Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 1988. A superb book discussing how the unfinished hurts and wounds of childhood cause unconscious and often unhealthy attractions to certain types of people, and how to heal those wounds and the relationship that draws them out. Includes extensive exercises for couples who want to create a conscious relationship.
Kreps, Bonnie. Subversive Thoughts, Authentic Passions: Finding Love Without Losing Your Self. 1990. FOR SINGLES: An excellent, insightful book which shatters the myth of romantic love, and discusses how women and men can create relationships based on genuine love, companionship, understanding and acceptance.
Love, Pat. The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever. 2001. A book which discusses how all relationships go through predictable patterns and outlines the four up-and-down stages of love: Infatuation, Post-Rapture, Discovery, and Connection. She explains how physiological changes account for some of the intense feelings brought on by initial attraction for example, how phenylethylamine, dopamine, and norpinephrine combine to create the natural high new lovers feel that helps them bond. Love goes on to explain that this heady infatuation stage, glorious as it may be, is not what love is really about. Other potential problems, as when a couple has different priorities for their relationship, are outlined and addressed. Including quizzes and lists of questions for discussion.
Love, Pat. Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovmaking. 1995. FOR SINGLES: An excellent, insightful book which shatters the myth of romantic love, and discusses how women and men can create relationships based on genuine love, companionship, understanding and acceptance.
Markman, H., Stanley, S. and Blumberg, S. Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love, 2001. This is an excellent book for couples, from the founders of the nationwide PREP program, which was developed from over 20 years of couples' research at the University of Denver. This book helps couples understand the warning signs of problems in a relationship, and gives specific structured exercises to help couples greatly improve the health of their relationship.
Schnarch, David. Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, 1998. Excellent book describing the interaction between sexual and marital satisfaction, and how to improve both. Includes an in-depth and scholarly discussion of how the process of differentiation in a committed relationship allows couples to develop true intimacy.
Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand, 1990. Very good analysis of the differences in how men and women communicate. The differences aren't going away, so it is best that you educate yourself about them to better understand how your partner communicates with themselves and with you.
Welwood, John. Challenge of the Heart: Love, Sex and Intimacy in Changing Times (1985); Journey of the Heart: Intimate Relationships and the Path of Love (1990); and Love and Awakening: Discovering the Sacred Path of Intimate Relationship (1997). Discusses the ideas and practices of consciously seeing intimate relationships as a spiritual path for personal and relational awakening.
